How to ACTUALLY Set Achievable Goals You'd Love!
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Hi I'm Shazie, a mindset + self-love coach ♥ I'm a West Coast-turned-East Coast girl, so naturally I'm conflicted between Dunkin vs Starbs. Thank you for stopping by, and I hope you stick around♥
5 Tips on Setting Boundaries (& Why It's Important!)
Hope you’ve been enjoying your February now that it’s coming to an end. I mean, let’s talk about those discounted chocolates I enjoyed right after the 14th 😉 But really though, I wanted to discuss a topic that has been heavy on my mind for the last few months. For those who don’t know, I recently got into a relationship. Personally, it wasn’t easy for me to get into this one… ironically, it was bc it just seemed so effortless.. with the nice guy.
I’ve had my cycle of the whole “dating app, relationship, then break up” routine. The guys may have seemed right at the time, but none of whom I truly clicked with. It was either me always guessing where “this” is going, me having to overcompensate for the lack of reciprocation, or me staying for the wrong reasons. And let us not get started on the ghosting. It was rough, so naturally when the nice guy came around, it was difficult for me to come around.
I met my current bf months ago. From one date after another, we bonded, shared some laughs, built a solid friendship, etc. He was regularly checking up on me; overall, he genuinely cared. Not once was I left guessing on where this was going, and not once was I left wondering about the other potential girls in his life. I remember telling my friends that things were going so well that I was doubtful of where it was going. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop… in other words, I was manifesting an obstacle that wasn’t even there.
And I got to thinking. Why do we often discount the good things in our life? Why are we constantly waiting for this cloud to hover over our sunshine?
I get it. I’ve been hurt numerous times, shed waterfalls for the wrong people, so I know what it’s like to assume that genuine kindness is merely a facade for something that has yet to happen… BUT we shouldn’t blame the nice guy. To accept and trust the new guy coming along, it’s important to dive deep and figure out the root of these trust issues. As hard as it is to let go of baggage, we shouldn’t impose this on any future potentials bc they weren’t the ones who compromised our trust. It’s so so important to know and really accept that.
Our dating history may have fostered a negative mindset on love, but if we continue to live w/ the same mindset, how ever will we move forward to something new, fresh, and deserving? I’ve been doubtful before. I remember thinking to myself that love only happens in fairy tales or those picture perfect social media #relationshipgoals couples. It can be difficult seeing all of that when none of that is happening in your life… but it doesn’t mean it never will. For as long as we continue w/ this mindset, we’re merely manifesting what we expect out of the universe.
The moment I changed my mindset on love was the day I found myself more aware of what I wanted and expected for myself that I began swiping on the right men… and here we are w/ Person X.
For me, building a wall between me and others was my easy escape. I mean, who else to protect me but me? I was skeptical of who I was letting in, I made awkward jokes to prevent others from knowing the real me, I was determined to keep everything on the surface to avoid having to get super personal w/ someone to avoid getting hurt. This is understandable, but if we continue to be skeptical of everyone walking into our lives, how will we ever know we’re not turning away from those who are genuinely interested?
So how do we accept and trust the nice guy? How can we ever know this guy is 100% all in and not trying to juggle you w/ 500 other girls? It’s encumbering especially with social media being so prominent in our everyday lives. We’re constantly checking who he’s following, what pics he’s liking, etc… but this gets tiring almost to a point of where you’re hurting yourself with this extra effort.
In reality, this is all one big risk. We’re constantly gambling with every next person to sweep us off our feet, but without this gamble, we may never cross paths w/ the Nice Guy.
When the nice guy comes along, that’s when you’d know you WOULDN’T have to put in 2x the effort to make sure he’s into you the way you are into him. You wouldn’t have to question where things are going, whether you’d ever meet his friends/fam or whether you’d be invited to any of his Christmas parties.
I cannot emphasize this enough: the moment I switched my mindset, told myself I deserved to be happy, and accepted the good things in my life was the moment things began to change for the better. We can’t change or deny our past. It will always be there to remind you of the roads you took and how you got to where you are today. It will remind you of the pain you’ve once felt, the tears you’ve once shed, and the oaths you took swearing off dating forever to become the independent badass that you are.
But I’m here to tell you our past doesn’t have to define our future.
YOU deserve great things. YOU deserve this nice guy after a bad batch of men. YOU deserve to be happy.
So when Mr. Nice Guy comes along, be weary but don’t doubt him. Be cautious but be open. If he constantly checks in on you to see how you’re doing, offers to cook for you, or when each date just keeps becoming better than the last, don’t wait for the shoe to drop. We’re so busy looking for Mr. Right that we may sometimes overlook the importance of Mr. Right NOW. So enjoy each moment and allow yourself to be valued and treasured. And know that there really isn’t a shoe 🙂