How to ACTUALLY Set Achievable Goals You'd Love!
on the blog!
Hi I'm Shazie, a mindset + self-love coach ♥ I'm a West Coast-turned-East Coast girl, so naturally I'm conflicted between Dunkin vs Starbs. Thank you for stopping by, and I hope you stick around♥
5 Tips on Setting Boundaries (& Why It's Important!)
This post contains affiliate links. I may receive a small stipend for any purchases made through links on this page which help me to keep my website up and running.
Quick post here 🙂 I’m just sitting here with icy cold water in my Hydro Flask (major lifesaver this summer!) and an oil diffuser exuding a calming lavender scent thinking about life. You know, the usual Shazie routine. As I’m SLOWLY starting to pack for the upcoming move in September, I found some cards/photos from my friends back home and it got me thinking — are we still friends? Or simply a memory? Going down this rabbit hole, I suddenly feel so down as I reminisce of all the wonderful friendships I once had?
In high school and undergrad, I had a fairly large social circle. I mean, I was young and trying to find myself through the people I associated myself with. Everywhere I went, I extended myself to THEIR social circle so naturally (like everyone else), our social activities exponentially grew and all of a sudden, you’re friends with the whole city.
Fast forward to now, I can honestly attest to what a huge contrast it has been. My friendship circle has shrunk — dramatically. So what reasons piqued this change?
This isn’t to discount all the good times I’ve shared with those back home. I had the BEST times back in the day from Cabo, EDC Las Vegas to Santa Barbara, nightclubs in LA, etc. These were my prime years, and I socialized to my utmost potential.
When I left LA two years ago, I knew it’d be a test for some friendships. After all, a coast to coast move is a huge challenge. What I didn’t realize was moving out of LA was what I actually needed… to make me see that it’s okay for some friendships to end.
And this didn’t mean they were worth nothing and they most certainly aren’t a reflection of who we were as friends (although some may have, but that’s a different story). It just made me realize that certain friendships were heavily dependent on constant face-to-face time (which is totally okay!), and when my move put a restraint on that, I saw that some friendships are simply temporary.
I get it, keeping friendships across the country can be tough and require commitment. This all depends on how much you both want to uphold the friendship and whether you both are still on the same page.
As we get older, it is with no doubt our friendship circle would only shrink. Gone are the days where you said YES to every social activity with everyone in your friends’ outer social circles. Now, we prioritize with WHOM we’d like to spend our time with bc let’s face it, being older has its responsibilities.
Imagine working a 9-5, keeping up a workout schedule AND making time for some other hobbies. How much time do you have left for social activities? Just like any other relationship, friendships take work. They require a lot of our energy and affection. Having that limit allows us to truly prioritize the important people in our lives. How much do we have within us to keep working towards these friendships?
What was that saying again?
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
We all have different goals and paths in life, so when life presents us with different opportunities, it’s not abnormal to let these friendships go. The truth is, people grow… and sometimes, apart. This doesn’t have to mean that bridges have to be burned. It just means we should cherish the memories we shared, hold on to them bc I’m sure each experience has shaped us in some way, and then wish them the best from afar.
Occasionally, I’ll slide into someone’s DM just to see how they’re doing and vice versa, but this doesn’t mean we’re going to be invited to each other’s weddings either… and that is OKAY.
With social media, it can be easier to be more in touch, but on the contrary, we can also be more distant. We see our ex best friend celebrating a joyous occasion and you can’t help but feel guilty for not being a part of that… or worse, you feel bad that you haven’t exchanged one word with that person. But no, we shouldn’t feel guilty for the friendships we swore we’d keep.
For as long as we continue to dwell on why certain friendships are unkept, we’re never going to find peace with this.
Accept that some people are meant for a transitional phase in your life. Accept that friendships require much more effort than passing them by in the hallways in high school. Accept that everyone has their own path carved out for them and you are not always going to be a part of that. And accept that a shrinking friendship circle does not have to be negative. After all, quality over quantity right?
So yes, while now I do not have as large of a selection of friends I can text, I know that the people currently in my life are MEANT to be right here, right now.
To all my friends (past and present), no matter when we’ve last spoken, just know I am cheering you on — always.