How to ACTUALLY Set Achievable Goals You'd Love!
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Hi I'm Shazie, a mindset + self-love coach ♥ I'm a West Coast-turned-East Coast girl, so naturally I'm conflicted between Dunkin vs Starbs. Thank you for stopping by, and I hope you stick around♥
5 Tips on Setting Boundaries (& Why It's Important!)
Hello hello everyone!
Wow, I can’t believe I haven’t blogged since February. I apologize immensely for lack of consistency. I must admit, I’ve let academics take my life over… and while I’m still swamped with work, I realize that this “cloud” that has been hovering over me is due to the fact that I haven’t had any free time. Free time is so SO important for your well-being, and for the last few weeks, my only free time has been centered around SLEEP.
Anyway, here I am typing up my little rebirth post (Easter vibes?). Instead of doing my assigned class readings (procrastination guru), I want to address a quick little something that has been on my mind for a while… and that is: OWNING NEGATIVE EMOTIONS.
When we feel negative emotions, our usual inclination is to hide and to go into the corner and hide from the world.
I know I am known for being happy all the time, and trust me, while it’s wonderful to think positively, I want to tackle the importance of why it’s okay to feel negative emotions. I mean, I preach positive thoughts all day so when I do find myself feeling sad or some other kind of negative emotion, I end up feeling guilty. And what for?
If we’re happy 24/7 of the time, how do we even know we’re happy?
Now, this post has been pending circa 2017 when I was stuck in 2 hour commutes driving from Long Beach back to Hollywood listening to The Life School Podcast. Brooke Castillo really hits the target on why negative emotions are part of experiencing happiness.
Contrast is key.
Negative emotions are meant to be felt, not ignored. Sometimes, I tend to set my negative emotions aside because I’m so focused on feeling uplifted all the damn time that I fail to realize that sometimes, the obstacle that truly stand in the way between us and our successes is our mind/our emotion.
At least for me, I fantasize about a unicorn world, but I also know that not all things shimmer in glitter.
Bad things happen. Heartbreaks, loss, failure. The idea is to feel all that life has to offer… without drowning in it.
That’s the beauty of it. We place so much emphasis on feeling happy and positive all the time, but we shouldn’t have to skip through the downfalls to reach our peak. Sad painful experiences shape you and your mind throughout the years. I mean, yes happiness and all things pleasant paint a beautiful portrait, but behind this beautiful portrait are the trial and errors you’ve had to overcome.
Isn’t it possible to celebrate our downfalls without compromising our mental energy?
Avoiding negative emotion is a temporary fix. We end up doing other things to compensate (i.e. overeating and other unhealthy habits). Learning how to own negative emotions is a part of life. The cuts, the scars, the wounds. Learning to differentiate between feeling negative emotions and REACTING to it is something I’ve yet to acquire but something I am constantly working on every single day.
It’s like a muscle. You just gotta work it out to keep it going.
Picture you raising children. Would you want to shelter them in a happy bubble throughout their lives? I mean, I get it. You’d want them to feel happiness all the time, but our lives would be bereft of the FULL experience.
Embracing ALL emotions and allowing yourself to debrief will be liberating. Tell yourself you don’t always have to put the brakes on negative emotions or emotions in general. It’s okay to simply FEEL. When you allow yourself to feel… feel ANYTHING really, that’s when you are willing to take the most action.
Because by then, you would be breaking down walls, stigma, and barriers. You won’t be afraid to do anything that have been previously held back from not acknowledging your emotions.
So f*ck the stigma that surrounds emotions. Feel what you have to feel WHEN you want to feel it. After all, in order to feel happiness, there MUST be “unhappiness” right? Welcome all emotions with open arms. It’s a habit that’s pretty challenging to master, but with practice, we’ll feel more alive – thanks to the good, the bad, and the ugly.
P.S. – And oh! Happy National Public Health Week!