How to ACTUALLY Set Achievable Goals You'd Love!
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Hi I'm Shazie, a mindset + self-love coach ♥ I'm a West Coast-turned-East Coast girl, so naturally I'm conflicted between Dunkin vs Starbs. Thank you for stopping by, and I hope you stick around♥
5 Tips on Setting Boundaries (& Why It's Important!)
Ever try to figure out why your next-door neighbor may live a life similar to yours while simultaneously holding completely different beliefs? We all grew up with conditioned beliefs, some of which may not be as obvious as the others. Just because they’re conditioned beliefs however doesn’t mean we can’t change them; in fact, you have the tools and power within you to rewrite your story.
If you’ve been following along on IG, you know I’ve been encouraging this notion to reprogram your mind or rewrite your story. It is not as complicated as it seems, but it does take a certain self-awareness and realization of what those beliefs are and then figuring out how to re-program them.
The decision to re-program these beliefs tend to root from misalignment. Are you no longer aligned with what you’re used to believing? Are certain beliefs rubbing you the wrong way? Do you sometimes find yourself questioning why you and your family are married to those beliefs?
Taking that first step to actively be aware is HUGE, so give yourself a pat on the back for this one. Now, let’s get to reprogramming those, shall we?
First, you’d need to identify what you believe. Understand where this belief came from. Did it come from your parents, siblings, close circle of friends, society, etc? Knowing where this belief comes from not only helps you understand it better, but it could also help you figure out someone else around you might have a different one. This awareness alone leads to more empathy.
Once you’ve listed out these beliefs, identify which ones TRULY work for you and which ones you’d like changed. ONE simple belief can change your life, so try and dive deep into workshopping which ones resonate and question the rest.
For example, “life is a battlefield” speaks differently to “life is a game” just like “the glass is half empty” vs “the glass is half full.” Conditioned beliefs are based on experiences, so understanding your childhood or early adulthood may carry some influence. Use the model below as an exercise.
Next, write down quickly how you think the following “are,” “should be, and “what they mean.”
(you get the gist, right?)
Now, it’s time to figure out which beliefs are the most crucial for you. Which ones remain? Which ones matter most to you and your identity? I like to think of this as your “personal brand.” We hear all about branding when it comes to businesses and organizations, but what about YOUR own? Who are YOU? What are YOUR values? What is YOUR mission? Stick to 5-6 central beliefs to craft your personal brand and all that you stand for.
Yes, I want you to write them on your desktop, post-its, etc. Hone in on your identity and recognize that it is OKAY to transition out of your previous beliefs. We are all so accustomed into thinking we NEED to stick to what we grew up with or that we need to mirror our family’s and friend’s beliefs.
Personally, I’m still in the process of re-programming certain beliefs particularly around money. I grew up with very little — living off food stamps, taxi vouchers, a ton of financial aid, public housing, the list goes on. Growing up under these circumstances, I was used to believing that money was scarce and if I did have it, I’d need to keep it in the bank account or be frugal with spending.
Needless to say, being smart with your finances is obviously ideal and I’m not out here dropping cash every single day, but I am working on not feeling guilty on buying myself a gift. That fancy iced coffee from the super hipster cafe in Silver Lake (LA)? Wouldn’t get it. That invitation to spend the weekend somewhere in Palm Springs (LA) with friends? Would think twice over it.
Additionally every time I bought new clothes, my mom would remind me of all the clothes I already have… which WAS a good point, but to this very day, she never fails to point out certain “new” items of mine even if they aren’t even new.
It’s no one’s fault, of course. These are all generational patterns and until someone decides to break free, they will continue. You can imagine, all the guilt I’ve bottled up inside for years and continue to feel for simply adding things to my cart without checking out.
It was difficult for me to fathom spending $$ on myself bc of the scarcity mindset I was trapped in.
Outgrowing certain beliefs is part of the process. Try not to guilt yourself as you rewrite your story as well. It’s easy to fall trap to this guilt which then could lead to staying within your comfort zone AND not living your most authentic life bc you are chained to conditioned norms.
This is easier said than done. I struggle with it from time to time particularly around religious beliefs. I constantly have this guilt that I am not “religious enough” just bc I don’t follow the book verbatim. To me, being religious shouldn’t mean going to your place of worship and praying a bazillion times. I mean, it should extend far beyond that, right? Like am I treating this person kindly? Am I showing the most respect I can give? How am I making this person feel when I am around them?
If you’re someone looking to re-write your story or at least start that conversation on why you think of certain beliefs the way that you do, give this a try and let me know what you think and share some of your takeaways.
Know that you are you and there is no one truer!