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Why It’s Okay to Fail

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Hi, it’s me. THAT girl who failed Calculus… three times, but I’m still here thriving and showing you why it’s okay to fail!

It was horrific though. I remember when all the Calc. classes were filled except for one. I knew on RateMyProfessor (is this still a thing?) that the professor was iffy, but I was desperate to have Calculus that semester, so I can move with the rest of the curriculum.

Little did I know — always trust reviews.

A little backstory – I was pre-med.

I was trying to be either a nurse, doctor, or pharmacist. Whatever, I was just trying to be in the med field and couldn’t figure it out for the life of me. I was juggling a part-time job at Victoria’s Secret, an internship (or externship?) at the local hospital, and full-time school. Everything about this schedule was DREADFUL, but no one told me it was okay NOT to be pre-med or pre-pharm.

No one warned me about the dedication, commitment, AND passion it took to pursue this long-term.

Needless to say, I felt the need to prove to everyone that I was “worthy” and capable of getting into pharm school.

My first attempt at taking Calc — I dropped it before getting a “W” for withdrawal. Second time I attempted it, I was so determined to freakin’ pass that I fake persevered my butt to a giant FAIL on my transcript (stubborn me should’ve known better??). I took a semester break from Calc, devastated that I was even capable of failing a class. Third time, I got a D and I decided to break up with Calc altogether.

I was distraught. I was a straight A student in high school and my first couple of semesters at my community college. How could I have possibly failed after all the sleepless nights and studying? I should’ve known back then that this was literally a sign from the universe to look the other way and not look back.

Fast forward to a year later

I gave Calc one more try with a new professor and I got a freakin’ A. I know, can’t believe it took me 4 tries but I honestly had the BEST professor at CSUN who truly improved my confidence in math.

I’m sharing this part of my story bc school was HARD for me in undergrad. I pivoted between majors, I worked a retail job that sucked the life out of me, and I felt like I was going nowhere. I was ashamed to admit that this route wasn’t for me bc I had already dedicated so much time to this. Not only was I already behind, but it also took me 3 years to transfer from a community college, AND I stayed an extra year after I transferred bc I was convinced to do both public health and pre-pharm.

Yes, it took me 6 whole years to graduate college.

Everyone is different

Throughout my undergrad life, I felt a huge spiral in my academics + career trajectory. Society doesn’t prime us for the real world. Yes, many were lucky to go to a four-year university with little loans and a clear vision of what they wanted for their future.

But for the rest of us, we also had to juggle between school, part-time jobs, family responsibilities, etc.

I’ve seen and experienced judgment in my college years for not succeeding in classes I would pull all-nighters for, but what many fail to realize is the behind-the-scenes that we don’t often get to show.

Many are hiding hardships and whispering encumbrances veiled by society’s expectations that seem to only work for a certain demographic.

Tips from me to you

Where am I going with this? Well, I want you to know that whatever life throws at you, it’s okay to fail. Just be sure to get back up again. Keep trying. If you have to fail once or even 3x like me, fail over and over again.

The journey isn’t always unicorns and ponies. No one shows the darkness that veils this path bc it’s discouraging and of course, not pretty.

Everyone’s journey is DIFFERENT. And I truly mean this.

For example, even if you’re 26 years old and you think your life mirrors that of your peer in the same field and you should be where they are, think again.

We often tend to forget that our current lives may be similar to others, but our circumstances vary greatly. Why are we comparing ourselves to others when the people we should be comparing ourselves to is ourselves?

I have to say this though — this requires a LOT of leveling up. Mindset growth takes work (I’m still working on it myself).

Lesson learned

BUT what I’ve come to realize is there is no point comparing apples to oranges. There is beauty in our past, there is beauty in failure, and there is beauty in different.

We are all bound to “fail” in some ways, but these are blessings meant to perceive you for a sec. It’s cliche, I know but I am SO incredibly proud of the hardships I’ve had to go through. Proud of juggling school and work, to work for a part-time income and not have to bother my single mom, to balancing family and social life.

In retrospect, I have Calculus to thank for my career change/realization. Even though I got an A in the end, I knew there and then that this wasn’t for me.

If there is something you’re struggling with or just unsure about, the universe has your back. Listen to the signs, assess your feelings, and let it all align.

I believe in you.