How to ACTUALLY Set Achievable Goals You'd Love!
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Hi I'm Shazie, a mindset + self-love coach ♥ I'm a West Coast-turned-East Coast girl, so naturally I'm conflicted between Dunkin vs Starbs. Thank you for stopping by, and I hope you stick around♥
5 Tips on Setting Boundaries (& Why It's Important!)
Do you struggle with negative self-talk sometimes? Or maybe you’re feeling those doubts creeping in and you’re slowly succumbing to actually BELIEVING them.
I definitely used to deal with negative self-talk way more often back in the day. I mean, I let exes and ex-friends walk all over me bc my mindset supported this negative sphere.
However, just bc I struggled a lot more back then doesn’t mean I don’t anymore (I very much do).
We’ve all heard this a million times — our mind is so freakin’ powerful. Whatever we say and however we speak to ourselves matter a whole lot.
And I know it’s hard. This isn’t meant to be a “kumbaya” activity where everything is all glitter and rainbows. Just like any physical workouts, we need to exercise our mental muscles to flush out the noise and be kinder to ourselves.
To summarize, here are a few examples of negative self-talk triggers to be aware of:
This one is HUGE for me. You know how you set a goal sometimes that is “way too big” or seem impossible to reach? Our inner critic (in my case, it’s Susan) comes out to play to yell excuses in our head. When we think self-limiting thoughts, we are giving our inner critics the green light to continue limiting our potential. Something I’ve learned over the years is learning how to recognize this in action. Ask yourself — why does it say you can’t do what you want and what does it say when it is shutting down possibilities?
Your inner critic may be making assumptions for you to think about. When does it tend to think it can read other peoples’ minds creating this assumption that’s what they think? What stories does it tell you that isn’t even true but is constant replaying in your head?
Do you ever have repetitive thoughts in your head?
Mine used to be: “I’m fat. I’m dumb. I can’t do this.”
I was very ashamed to have even thought this about myself. If we are this unkind to ourselves, how do we expect others to give us grace + love? What memories tend to replay in your mind over and over again? Any stories from your past or about yourself do you tend to talk about?
Do you ever hear OTHER people’s voices and sentiments in your head clouding your own judgement? What do they say? What do you tell yourself you “should” do? Next time you encounter this, remind yourself they do not have the power to hijack YOUR mind.
So here we are — we’ve made this decision to create our dream life, invest in ourselves, and ready to take action… except our subconscious mind and limiting beliefs are imprisoning us in our own mind. Now that we’re aware of these triggers, let’s talk about reclaiming our power back from our inner critic.
And this means being honest with yourself and getting uncomfortable.
I remember being so stubborn in admitting these were my thoughts. I would PRETEND I was upbeat most of the time, but deep down inside, my limiting beliefs were so empowering that I was literally holding myself back from my full potential. I was putting up a positive front bc I wanted to BELIEVE that I was positive. You know, fake it till you make it. *eye roll*
I don’t entirely believe in faking it til you make it bc what are we really faking here? This should be a sign for us to dive deeper into layers of limiting subconscious beliefs. Why not address them at the root cause rather than fake it at a surface level?
Next time you find yourself facing negative self-talk, give yourself a moment to remember that you have a choice to pick a better thought. By recognizing these thoughts, you then have the power to catch them in the act!
Here’s an activity. You’d need a pen, pencil, and lined paper.
First, use your pencil to write down a LIE your inner critic keeps saying. Skip 4 lines. Write another lie within the same category as the other lie. Skip 4 lines. Once you are done with all the beliefs in THIS category, move onto another category and repeat.
Example: I will never be successful.
Now put away your pencil and take out your pen. Under each lie, write the TRUTH. In this case, the truth will be the opposite of that lie. In fact, make it the most self-affirming belief you can find. Make sure it is written in a positive way. Do not use “not” or “isn’t.”
Example: I am already successful in a lot of things. I am thriving and heading where I want to go.
Then, read the lies and truths every single day for 7 days. On the 7th day, ERASE the lies…
…and BOOM! You have yourself a fresh piece of self-affirming beliefs here to remind you of the BADASS that you are.
The more you exercise these muscles, the greater chance of you becoming your own cheerleader! This exercise may seem cheesy, but it has personally helped me so much. I am a huge pen-and-paper kinda gal, so sitting down with my thoughts and writing these thoughts down have helped with my self-awareness and determination to take action against them.
Just a little note though, it’s okay to have negative thoughts sometimes. We are NOT meant to be chipper and happy-go-lucky all the time. What matters is how we react to these thoughts. Are we going to dwell in these thoughts and sulk in them? OR are we going to allow ourselves to feel all the negative emotions/thoughts and then RELEASE them?
And lastly the next time your inner critic says something to you, ask yourself — is this something you’d say to your best friend?
Try this out and let me know when you do! I’d love to hear your thoughts or if you have any other activity ideas to try.