We live in a powerful time where we get to be connected to anyone in the world via social media. While I’ve connected with so many amazing women on the internet, social media can be daunting and can lead to low self-esteem. You’re probably wondering, well how do I be more confident? With such easy accessibility, it can be TOUGH to unplug and stay disconnected.

All the constant scrolling and comparing, the feelings of envy and just overall blurry lines between what’s real vs. what’s not.

You’d then compare yourself to everyone on social media and end up feeling frustrated every time you log on.

Growing up in mid-city LA, I used to have the worst self-esteem. Like high school me was a cheerleader who definitely did not feel like she deserved to be on the squad. I had some anonymous person message me on MySpace telling me I was too ugly and too fat to be a cheerleader.

Can you imagine reading that as a teen? I cried for DAYS, and I remember going to school the next day assuming Person X was in the crowd — somewhere judging me hard. To this day, I still don’t know but clearly this person’s words continue to linger in my very faint memories.

As years pass, I continued to allow others to dictate my identity and determine my worth. Aside from external beauty, I had zero autonomy of WHO I was. I gave almost every single guy on dating apps a chance bc I literally did not know my worth. I had an ex-best friend who would subtly put me down every time, and I let her walk all over me (RIP to all the relationships I once thought were gold LOL)

Needless to say I have outgrown that, but the journey was long and ROUGH.

So how did I get here? Be redirecting my focus.

I will be honest, it may have taken me moving across the country to the east coast to truly be on my own, detox from previous “friendships” and dating, and just learned to focus on me. Cliche, I know but SO FREAKING TRUE.

Give yourself a break

And by this, I mean I took a break from dating. I didn’t want to obscure my vision with some random person on Bumble/Hinge, so I took this time “off” to do the things that I like without having to explain myself to anyone. I got to do things I wanted on my own terms, figured out what I didn’t like, and be just overall be secure with who I am as a person. This was probably a groundbreaking moment for me.

Enjoy YOUR own company

I spent my first Thanksgiving in Boston alone bc I couldn’t really fly home for a few days with school. I ended up signing up for a Turkey Trot 5K in the city and made a couple of girlfriends along the way. It was honestly nerve wrecking, but this opened the door to other opportunities. I started googling free workout classes and attended most of them alone. Enjoying my own company was something I knew I needed to work on, and it has truly helped with my confidence levels. I stopped seeking external validation.

While we’re on the subject of external validation, it’s also important to acknowledge the importance of “changing” your circle. In my early-mid 20’s, I was surrounding myself with people who didn’t make me feel my best. I misconstrued harsh/critical comments as “harsh love.” Note to self — harsh love should not include making you feel bad for wanting to choose YOU sometimes.

Be honest and realistic with yourself

Give yourself grace, and tell yourself social media is a highlight reel. People show you what they want you to see. Once I realized that, I stopped comparing myself to my internet friends. It’s also unrealistic to compare your chapter to someone else’s completely different chapter. No one else’s experiences would ever match yours identically. Isn’t that wild to think?! Like we ALL have experienced different milestones in our lives. Let’s OWN that and share our stories with the world. You have SO MUCH to offer to this world.

Get out of your comfort zone

This was HUGE for me. Over the past 3-4 years (again, post-move LOL), I’ve forced myself to get out of my comfort zone. Aside from going places SOLO, I started volunteering for things outside my usual parameters. From facilitating meetings to socializing at random blogger events, my confidence levels increased when I had to force myself to get uncomfortable. When I was living in NYC one summer, I also attended Eid brunch by myself bc I wanted to feel the celebratory spirits even though I was far away from home. Being alone also forces you to talk to others and hear their stories, allowing for authentic connections you can’t find elsewhere.

Practice affirmations and journaling

And of course lastly, affirmations and journaling. Affirmations are a non-negotiable in my morning routine (I post them on IG stories every Mon/Wed!). Practice saying each one 3-5x to truly hone in to the BELIEF and attract ENERGY to make this happen.

Journaling has been effective for me personally bc it allowed me to brain dump all of my thoughts. Journaling shouldn’t also mean having to ONLY write positive things. Whatever thoughts you have, be sure to document them and let it flow. Don’t even worry about making those pages pretty too. Brain dumping, in my opinion, should be authentic and true to that moment. Scribbles and doodles welcomed 🙂

BONUS TIP

Blogging helped me tremendously bc it “forced” me to book photoshoots. (Should I do a “before-and-after” lookbook to compare the progress I’ve made since my very first photoshoot ????)

At first, I thought booking photoshoots meant vanity (excuse me, society?!) but it only inspired me to have fun and to feel comfortable and confident in my own skin. Of course, it doesn’t get any easier taking photos in public settings (hi strangers!!), but photos have played a role in my growth, how I perceive myself, and how I rely less on external approval.

This took YEARS for me to cultivate, but it has been a worthwhile journey. From the tears I shed, the layers I had to peel back, to the solitude I felt to become my truest/most authentic self, I would go through it all over again knowing this is the person I’ve become so far. Many have reached out complimenting my personal growth that it made me step back to appreciate all the lessons I’ve experienced.

And that’s why I want this for YOU too. You deserve to live your most radiant/confident life. Do whatever you have to do to celebrate you. Baby steps every single day lead to compound effect.

Photography by: @stephanie_rita | Stephanie Rita Photography

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