How to ACTUALLY Set Achievable Goals You'd Love!
on the blog!
Hi I'm Shazie, a mindset + self-love coach ♥ I'm a West Coast-turned-East Coast girl, so naturally I'm conflicted between Dunkin vs Starbs. Thank you for stopping by, and I hope you stick around♥
5 Tips on Setting Boundaries (& Why It's Important!)
I’m just going to come in hot here — stop telling people to “reframe their mindset and they can achieve anything they want.”
Hear me out. I know I chat all things juicy mindset, but it irks me when mindset or biz/success gurus tell you that your mindset is holding you back.
While they’re NOT entirely wrong, mindset isn’t truly the only thing holding you back and affirmations/journaling alone won’t cut it.
I scroll on IG and I feel GUILTY and SHAME sometimes for having negative thoughts about my goals sometimes… and I know. “No one can make you feel something unless you give them permission” but it’s truly heartbreaking when people are shamed on an individual level.
We all have grew up in different environments, have various support systems (if any!), etc that will alter the lens we view the world in as well as the lens we view ourselves. This is what we call “model of reality” aka what we perceive to be our own reality. We ALL have inner filters also known as our ~perception~. Essentially, they’re the “filters” in our brains that impact the way we internalize things.
Have you ever been in the same situation as someone else but interpret the situation differently? It’s mind boggling, isn’t it?
Two people can be going through the same thing but internalize it differently based on the different types of filters we have.
These filters are created based on our lived experiences that either generalizes, distorts, or filters out certain information.
These filters include:
All of these inner filters that we have shape how we create meaning about the world. In short, this is HOW we CREATE our reality.
Still think this is woo-woo? Let’s continue.
Let’s think about our favorite IG or Snapchat filter. They all either mask or exacerbate certain colors/features, right? They enable us to see ourselves or whatever it is we’re capturing a particular way. Without that filter, we see it raw for what it is but because we have that “lens,” it changes our perception.
Our brains work the same way. We see or perceive things based on previous information established. I’m talking language, words used, tone used, etc. They have a role to play in changing how we decipher information and the world around us. Each individual person has their own model of reality — meaning everyone perceives the world and what is happening around them differently.
For instance, I grew up in LA as a young immigrant, exposed to DV and DV shelters at a young age, relied on EBT and food pantries, took public transportation to go to school in inner city LA, the list goes on. How I perceive the world has been shaped by these experiences. Forget cute sleepovers and girl shopping trips, those never seemed real to me. And money? Yeah that seems hard to get and keep!
“I’ll believe it when I see it”…. right?!
This is why working on reprogramming our subconscious mind and coupling it with body-based modalities is NEXT LEVEL. Of course, we can strive towards changing our conscious habits, but our subconscious mind is the true driving force behind most of our actions/habits and will work to have us live out and play out those programs until we actively recognize, release, and reprogram what’s holding us back!
Ever wake up and try to say your affirmations 7 days a week only to still believe and feel the same way you did before you started? That’s because affirmations literally only affect the tip of the iceberg; what’s underneath the actual surface is not being nudged at all and that’s where true change lies.
I am a huge fan of working on our subconscious bc before you know it, you’ll notice what a big shift changing your internal filters is and the impact it will have in transforming your life.
That inner critic whispering in your ear? Those limiting beliefs screaming in your head? These are all part of our inner filters, which means they can affect how we view the world and more importantly, ourselves.
Our mind and body are also ONE, hence why we need to work hand in hand with both our mindset and chemical pathways. Our mind affects our physiology, BUT our physiology ALSO affects our mind. This is all bi-directional, so you’ll need to reprogram those neurotransmitters flowing through your body with confidence.
Well, I hope understanding this allows you to have more compassion when you’re trying to unlearn conditioned thoughts and beliefs within you. This won’t be an overnight process. What this also means is we need to go BEYOND mindset work. Working on your subconscious programming is step one and already HUGE in making change; however, the next step is to focus on what is being stored in our bodies.
When you’re saying your affirmations, for instance, you’re going through the motions and your brain is getting some hints… at best. Great! But if your body still FEELS the same way it did before you started doing all the work, your brain is going to have a hard time believing what you’re saying is real. So much is stored within our bodies that we have to work on our somatic relationship as well. What people tend to forget is our mind and body are very much intertwined. By working on one, we have to work on the other.
Let’s work on a limiting belief. For example, “money does not come easily to me. I have a hard time making money.”
After engaging in somatic release techniques, revisit your new empowering belief and affirmations. “Convince” your mind/body through positive self-talk, visualization, and embodied practices. Again – this isn’t an overnight journey. Be patient with yourself as you continue to repeat and reinforce these practices regularly and be gentle with yourself throughout the journey.
If you find it challenging to work through this on your own, consider seeking support from a therapist, coach, or somatic practitioner who can guide you through the process and provide additional tools and techniques! Book a free 30-min call with me to learn more about mindset/somatic guidance and to see if this is the right fit for you – always here to chat!