How to ACTUALLY Set Achievable Goals You'd Love!
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Hi I'm Shazie, a mindset + self-love coach ♥ I'm a West Coast-turned-East Coast girl, so naturally I'm conflicted between Dunkin vs Starbs. Thank you for stopping by, and I hope you stick around♥
5 Tips on Setting Boundaries (& Why It's Important!)
Alright, so you’ve probably heard this several times. Letting go.
Throughout the many stages in my life, I’ve had to learn the hard way about letting go. From work, school, relationships, life… There is ALWAYS something going on where I’ve had to adopt a changed mindset on letting go. I mean, letting go is no issue to me; I simply can’t master knowing WHEN to let go. When to let it all end.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s my false perception of “sticking it out through thick & thin.” You know, till death do us part type of mentality and that’s why I hardly ever know WHEN to just call it quits. I’m not too sure I’m too fond of that, but I most certainly have 100% believed that when life hands you shitty lemons, you just learn to make the best damn lemonade out of it.
My mentality has always been perseverance. Call me naive, but I’ve never been one to just let things go when sh*t hits the fan. I strongly believe in working things out, no matter what. I mean, if we’re simply going to throw in a towel when any little struggle comes our way, how are we ever going to deal with more hindering situations? What kind of a race would that be without hurdles? An easy one that most would settle for, but one that I do NOT want for myself.
But then again, maybe that’s MY problem. How many times have I stuck around in a relationship (friendships included!) mistakenly thinking that “we will get over it” and that, it was just a phase?
True, learning experiences are one thing, but sticking around for negativity + hurt is another. Naivety, I guess.
Example – Relationships. Learning to adapt to someone else’s way of thinking. Having to compromise. Fighting through our differences hoping maybe the other would learn to understand your point of view. You stick around because well, hardships strengthen bonds, right?
WRONG. Hardships strengthen bonds that WANT to be strengthened. It doesn’t matter if one’s willing to listen and adapt. The other has to as well.
I don’t know, call me a fool if you wish, but I’m simply a strong advocate for working things out. (Yeah, remember that?) Does anyone ever want to put in the effort anymore? Nowadays, we’re just too lazy to deal with something when it’s easier to just end it… but then, it confuses us. Did it mean we didn’t care? Or did we do it BECAUSE we care? Or was it never worth it to us in the first place? One little decision, heavy consequences. I guess I stick around because I’m just hopeful for a positive ending.
* * * *
On the contrary, can we just discuss the typical excuse of “the grass is always greener on the other side?”
Well sh*t, how would you know? Are you on the other side? Are you willing to discard everything you’ve built for the temporary lust of the unknown? Fools, aren’t we? To think we won’t have to deal with the same problems when we get there…
I mean, if we choose to end things over the smallest things, then what the hell is the point of commitment? Or is THAT the reason why people choose not to commit? It’s easier having to deal with something on your own FOR YOUR OWN. Ending it when it’s convenient without having to ponder over what the other is feeling.
There is a huge imbalance here if you ask me. We either give things up too easily or we stick around for way too long. Where is the middle? How do we know when to let go?
The truth is, we are all learning here. Everyone’s situations are different, so we all deal with it subjectively. Commitment, for instance, means pushing through everything and sticking together through it all. But when will enough be enough? And when is a little too… little? And when I speak of commitment, it applies to every situation (work, life, etc)… not just to somebody else.
In every situation, we have to learn when something CAN be worked out while also knowing when enough is enough.
To reiterate, I am a firm believer in fighting for something deemed worthy to me. Others might disagree – “things meant for us shouldn’t be this hard.” So answer this – if we keep giving up after every little debacle, how do we expect things to last? Do we expect to keep leaving Chapter 15 with one person just to start over with Chapter 1… with someone else?
SIGH. Society really has it with its misconceptions. We are emboldened into thinking that BOTH sticking through encumbrances and/or ending things depict signs of weakness. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
Believe me when I say this – have trust in yourself in the decisions you make. Hear others’ opinions, but listen to yours.
When you wholeheartedly believe that something can be saved, save it. Work for it. Fight for it. Don’t go searching for what else is out there; for all we know, the world isn’t so pretty on that side either and by the time we realize that, it’ll be too late to fight for what was meant for you in the first place.
On the other hand, know when to stop. No one should ever have to go through the ongoing pain and continuous torment – just because you’ve been through it long enough. Wounds can only take so much healing at once. We tend to mistake perseverance for love and vice versa. We stick around for comfort. We deal with things because we think it means showing we care for the other person. Learn when to persist, but justify when to stop.
Know yourself, your strength, your worth. So commit when you can, but let it go when you must. DO YOU.