Hi everyone! Happy Monday after Super Bowl (LFG, PATS!!!) and of course, Happy February! I figured since it’s a month of love, why not start a mini series on love… Or self-love aka do not settle.

We hear this ALL the time, but what does it truly mean? I recently tuned in to a self-love podcast and attended a workshop on campus featuring a self-love coach. Idk how it all happened, the universe was aligning those for me.

I’ve also been doing a lot of reflection and “self-growth” lately, which is why I think it is so important to share my take on relationships (both romantic and non-romantic).

First of, let’s discuss toxic friendships

We often tend to bury our feeds with things that don’t make our hearts flutter. Let’s be honest here, I’ve had toxic friendships I was so reluctant to let go of because I wasn’t seeing the big picture. I was blinded by what I thought was supposed to symbolize friendship. I accepted the negativity because I saw it as “tough love” or catalyst for growth. Each time I doubted someone, I was pulled back in with the misconception that I was “too sensitive” or “I let things get to me easily.”

Sure while that may have been true, I failed myself. I failed myself into disregarding the gut feeling I had. I ignore other friends’ advice to let this friendship go. I thought I was seeing the good in people, but turns out, I was just foolish to call certain people friends.

Throughout the years, I’ve let “friendships” go on for far too long. It’s absurd to me how my vision was so obscured until I made the cross-country move and really saw things from afar. I was able to pull away, truly hone in on why my gut feeling kept reoccurring, and understand why I kept feeling this way.

I let myself sit in situations I did not want to become a part of, accepted what I’ve always told myself I would not tolerate, and almost to a sense allow some self-degradation by sticking around.

In other words, I settled for friends to stay “friends” because I was too far within it to see clearly and objectively. I used to think having a larger circle meant I was doing something right, but seeking that validation only led to my demise. I chose others’ validation over my own.

Second, the same goes for relationships

Let’s not even get started on those “men” I dated. I mean yes, I learned a whole lot and won’t tolerate half the things I did back in the day (thank you, next?), but wow. In retrospect, I can’t even remember the person I was because it feels like a distant memory.

For instance, you want Person X to hold the door open for you or if you’re over being homebodies and want to go on a nice date sometimes, communicate it.

Your request may be as infinitesimal as sending a good morning text, but get this — if you continue to settle because you think you’re “asking for too much,” who knows what else you’d sacrifice in the long run?

It’s important to acknowledge that settling digs small holes to begin with… and over time, those holes get bigger because you’ve grown accustomed to settling.

I remember settling for boys who wouldn’t give me their time of day. Boys who would text me or plan dates at THEIR convenience. Boys who commented and liked girls’ pictures on IG left and right (a whole other topic for another day). I think what irked me the most was me actually addressing them and then not even having them address it. I guess you could say I was talking to the wall.

Now, I’m definitely more intolerant of BS but I also owe that to growing up and just lacking the energy to keep up with negative things that don’t serve me much.

Bottomline, don’t settle for Douchebag X who isn’t treating you the way you deserve to be treated… and most importantly, please don’t settle for Any Random X just because you’re nearing 30 and society is telling you to get married.

Lastly, let’s talk about jobs/career

I’m at the peak of trying to finish all my coursework, interning to gain and apply new skills, all while applying to jobs to explore what’s out there.

Now first, I know there’s no such thing as a perfect job… but how many of us fall short of our goals because we think we’re not qualified for certain jobs?

We look for keywords we can click with but immediately close the page when we see we don’t have 12,000 years of experience or have that doctoral degree. I’m not saying go out there and apply to jobs you have zero idea about. What I’m saying is, things aren’t always cookie cutter.

They’re guidelines/preferences on their IDEAL candidate, but you never know how ideal you could be if you don’t try. You don’t always have to fit the mold to be the best cookie out there. Awkward comparison, but I really hope you understand what I’m trying to say.

We all have big dreams for ourselves, don’t limit yourself to what is written in the status quo. 

What are your thoughts on settling? I’d love to hear down below!