Feeling Selfish for Chasing a Dream
Have you ever felt so close to pursuing your dream and right as you’re about to embark on that journey, you stop dead in your tracks pondering over the sacrifices you have to take and all that you’ve yet to leave behind?
I don’t know. Is this what being in our twenties should feel like? I mean, it is all fun and games… until you hit a hurdle and are faced with the choice of pursuing your dreams at the expense of losing another.
Dramatic?
Maybe.
So many questions running through my head.Is this MPH worth it? Should I defer my admission? What if I can’t afford tuition? Do I really see myself moving to the other side of the country leaving behind all of my support systems here in LA? Will I survive on my own? The list goes on…
I don’t know. Maybe I’m looking at this all wrong. Maybe I should be gazing at this opportunity with appreciation. I mean, shouldn’t I be thankful that I even have the option of choosing my dream? For some, this option is deprived as many seek dreams weaved by others.
But this dream? It is my very own. Something I thought of for myself. It is such a humbling experience chasing a dream you’ve always envisioned even if it means having to do it alone.
However, amid all the joy I’m supposed to feel, I let my stress and doubt disempower me and the happiness I wanted to feel.
It became a burden every single day to think about a decision and a dream that was inevitably going to change not only mine but the lives around me. With each pros + cons list, I felt conflicted EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Is temporary happiness worth all this debt/risk? And if I choose to be practical, will I live every day in retrogress wondering ‘what if?’
The people around me have been so incredibly supportive; some offering their two cents, others challenging my stance, and others being mere bystanders to my mental breakdowns. Either way, they have always played a role in my life. Only now, they are graced with the role to be my objective lens.
So now I ask – if I was so eager to chase my dreams, why do I feel guilty for leaving? Why do I feel selfish for leaving everything behind to pursue something so uncertain and out of reach? Is my dream worth all of this sacrifice? Or is a dream only meant to be a dream… and that’s what makes it so dreamy?
Then, I realized that this is what I’ve been preaching. Our twenties. The perfect age to be “selfish” as perceived under societal norms. I mean, how CAN we be deemed selfish when all we’re doing is trusting our own ideas and risking our future on an enduring belief? I’ve always been an advocate for getting out of my comfort zone.
To settle for mediocrity would only counterpart all I’ve ever stood up for… and all for what?
At the expense of everyone else’s opinions but my very own? What will that say about me – that I don’t trust myself to make these decisions? And how would I leverage my choices by listening to external factors over and over again?
I mean, I get it. The more unique your dream is, the slimmer the chances of people actually pushing you as many may caution you from moving forward considering some risks. I applaud all things safety, but here’s the thing – when we face something risky and persevere through it, that is when we shed our old layer and GROW. And that is our cue to fight and defend our dream, the one finish line that has continued to outline our goals/ambition.
No dream worth having is ever smooth sailing.
My advice to all juggling between your thoughts versus others’…
Follow your gut. Literally. Do what your heart feels content doing and most importantly, FULL.
Yes, many will argue that happiness is temporary, but if we keep choosing to be practical without any emotions, how will we ever learn to be more intuitive with ourselves? Yes, I’m emotional, but it doesn’t always have to be seen in a negative light. Perhaps, it’s MY best way to make decisions. At the end of the day, call it selfish if you wish, but if this is something you FEEL is destined to be your path, do it – regardless of who’s there to support you. When it is all said and done, the people who truly want the best for you will be there through the thick and thin pushing you every step of the way.
Bottom line – at the end of the day, the decisions you make will always mirror what your heart truly desires is BEST FOR YOU.
Even if your dream feels so far out of reach and is completely uncertain, a couple years of uncertainty will most likely pave its way to something that was meant to be for you.
“Selfish” is subjective.
Do what is and feels right to you. You can’t ever go wrong with your gut. xx
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